Ron goes off the rails
by Meowgan
Summary: Hermione refuses to abuse her powers as head girl. Ron decides it's because she likes Malfoy. Mostly conversation. Now with 20% more chapters!
1. Chapter 1: She's gone bonkers!

"Ron! Just because you expect me to torment Malfoy, doesn't mean that I'm going to!" Hermione's Head Girl badge caught the light as she turned and left the common room. Ron and Harry swore.

"Now you've done it."

"I haven't done anything. She's gone mad, completely bonkers. Stark raving lunatic, in fact. I can't believe it, why would she-? This is so unlike her." Ron's look of disbelief melted to thought.

"What is?" Harry was certain that he didn't need to be told, but asked anyway.

"That's it. That has to be it." Ron shuddered. "He's not even good looking, anyway."

"Who?" Harry was sure he knew the answer but asked anyway.

"She's fallen for Malfoy." Ron spat the name out. "Just you wait 'til my mother hears about this." He grinned.

"What's your mum got to do with anything?"

"Ginny'll tell her, 'Mione will tell Ginny. I knew it. There's no other explanation for it. That git doesn't deserve her. What a prat, stealing her from me." He was only fooling himself.

"Ron, Hermione has not fallen for Malfoy. Besides, she's not yours. Remember when you asked her out last year? She said no."

"Yes, but she'll come to her senses soon enough. It all makes perfect sense. She'd torment him otherwise." Harry sighed, it'd be a good few minutes before Ron calmed down about this.

"She wouldn't. We both know it. She might've a year ago, but not now."

"Of course she would. You would, wouldn't you?"

"Well, yes but-"

"Exactly. What else could it be?"

"Ron, there could be any number of reasons why she won't torment Malfoy."

"Yeah, like what?"

"She actually has morals? I mean, that's one of the reasons why Dumbledore chose her for head girl in the first place." Ron shrugged this off. Harry genuinely doubted that Ron had heard anything he'd said.

"Exactly. And that's why she hasn't been herself lately."

"Herself lately? She's been in France!"

"Too busy making googly eyes at Malfoy, well I'll show them." Harry took a deep breath and counted to ten. Ron seemed to have almost calmed down. It would be ten minutes until he would be ready to have it explained to him, the most imperative thing now was to stop him from doing anything stupid.

"You will? Great."

"Of course that's it, I've seen the glances they've been exchanging when she thinks I'm not looking."

"Ron, it's only the first day back!"

"And just think, this could be an even better way to get back at Malfoy. Taking away house points for no reason would've been fun, but this, this'll be tops."

"Ron. You don't even make sense. You remember that they hate each other, right?"

--

That's it for now. Get some dialogue in ya.

If I do continue this, Ron will confront Hermione about it. Either that or he'll do some plotting. Probably the first option.

Review and make pancakes. Share the pancakes too, please.


	2. Chapter 2: Ron confronts her

"Ronald Weasley! I have NOT got a thing for Malfoy!"

Ron took a step back. He'd expected her to get mad at him, but not so mad that she was using his first and last name. He was worried that she'd get mad enough to use his middle name, that could get very ugly. _Stay calm,_ he thought before blurting out with,

"Yeah, well you can't lie to me. I've seen you looking at him."

"And just when have I been looking at him?"

"All the time. Like, in potions today."

"You dyed his eyebrows purple, everyone was looking at him. Hmmph, Ron. You can't honestly think that, can you?"

"Well, why won't you take house points off him?"

"This is what it's about, house points?" Maybe lecturing him would work. He usually left her alone when she did that. "You're gonna let house rivalry get in the way of doing the right thing? If I took house points off every time someone annoyed me, well, Griffindor would have no points left because of you. My privileges as head girl aren't to be mistreated. As Uncle Ben always says: With great power comes great responsibility. I was reading up on the current political climate in Zimbabwe, which you know-"

"He, he hasn't called you that dirty name recently!" Ron was floundering, he'd almost failed to stop her lecturing before she reached full momentum.

"It's Mudblood, Ron. And no, he hasn't. I like to think that some people have grown up, unlike certain redheads that I know. I'm pretty much numb to it, anyway." This was a lie, of course. But she wasn't going to reveal it. Ron was steadily becoming redder in the face.

"I knew it! You admitted it!"

"I did not!"

"You filthy little-"

"Ron, shut it. Now. Before I hex you."

"And he likes you back. Oh, I've seen him. Checking you out when you're not looking. Well, he won't steal you off me."

"Ron, I do NOT like Malfoy and, I am NOT your GIRLFRIEND." That did it, now she was mad.

"And now he'll try to get your attention somehow, maybe actually be nice to you. And you'll get married and live happily ever after. And it'll be the sort of thing a first year would dream up and write about in a secret journal that she secretly hoped someone would find." If Hermione hadn't been quite so furious at him, it would've been amusing. He had put on a sing song voice, wiggled his shoulders and clapped his hands together. She scowled at him, inwardly glad that Ginny wasn't around.

"Well, what if you're right and I do like Malfoy? And he likes me back and we get married and have a billion kids and they'll all look just like him? What would you do then?" She tried a different tact. He wasn't listening to her, anyway.

"Well, then I'd know that you'd completely done your banana!" He shuddered, then thought better of it and spat on the floor. Maybe he was listening after all. Fuelled by rage, she decided to do the most hurtful thing she could think of.

"Well, I think I'll do just that! Umm, not do a banana. The other thing. Maybe the first year will describe my eyes as being lipid pools of honey-coated chocolate!"

She turned and stomped away. Not caring where she went, as long as it was where Ron wasn't.

- - -

Oh dear, what has she done? Trust me, it's not going there.

Read, review, cook a rat over a fire.

The next chapter will be the last one. Honest.


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